Angry parent: So what you are telling me is you know nothing about how my son's face got bruised.
Teacher: No, ma'am. Like I said, it happened at recess. I am on my lunch during their recess.
Angry parent:So you weren't there? You didn't see nothing?
Teacher: I did not see anything. I was not there. I was on my lunch.
Angry parent: So you wasn't there? You is his teacher but you's not with him all day?
Teacher: No ma'am. If I were with these students all day, I would kill myself.
(Same Reason You Aren't Homeschooling Him)

Public School, Bronx
via Overheard in New York, Mar 28, 2009

Bimbette #1: So then I got a text from him this morning [shows friend text message]. I mean, who forgets if they have sex?
Bimbette #2: Haha... There's not even a 'hello' or punctuation... Just 'Did we have sex.'
Bimbette #1: I know!
Bimbette #2: Well, did you?
Bimbette #1: I'm not sure...
(... Exactly Who He Is)

--Central Park
via Overheard in New York, Oct 28, 2007

Lab rat #1: What was the IT guy doing here?
Lab rat #2: Connecting the refrigerator to the Internet... There's a sentence I never thought I'd say.
(Fridge: Beginning Ice Dump. Overwrite BIOS?)

Fordham University
New York, New York
Overheard by: Andrea
via Overheard in the Office, Oct 8, 2007

Secretary: Did Taryn* come back from the doctor's?
Chart drone:Yeah, she said the doctor put a stiffener in her.
Secretary: Good, that will help her.
(Thank Goodness for Prosthetic Backbones)

Long Island, New York
Overheard by: phoenix, best analyst ever
via Overheard in the Office, Sep 3, 2007

Elizabeth Taylor: When the sun comes up, I have morals again.
(Poster Girl for the "Do Drugs, Not Whores" Campaign)

Overheard by: Sam Jameson
via Celebrity Wit, Aug 2, 2007

Kid: But what if they don't know what I'm saying?
Mom: Don't worry. In Canada they speak English.
Kid, crying: But I don't speak English! I speak American!
(They'll Understand about One Word in Ten)

--Central Park
via Overheard in New York, Oct 9, 2007

Student #1: I think I want to go to Asia after college.
Student #2: Why?
Student #1: Because I really want to improve my Spanish, and the best way to do that is to live in the country.
Student #2: That's a good idea.
(Enschuldegung, No Habla Escargot)

Overheard by: paralyzedindisbelief
via Overheard Everywhere, Sep 5, 2007

Worker bee #1: Was this a fire alarm or a severe weather alert?
Worker bee #2: I don't think they would kick us outside during a tornado.
(Saves Thousands in Severance Pay, Though)

Opperman Drive Eagan, Minnesota
via Overheard in the Office, Sep 3, 2007

Manager to clumsy coworker: You're about as graceful as a seven-legged octopus with a muscle spasm!
(The Law Requires You to Accommodate My Missing Tentacle)

Fast food joint
Fayetteville, Arkansas
Overheard by: Dubird
via Overheard in the Office, Sep 4, 2007

Former Alaskan governor Wally Hickel: You can't just let nature run wild.
(Or We'll Look All Civilized and Shit)

Overheard by: dickie
via Celebrity Wit, Aug 9, 2007